The Land of Anti-Normalness: About Norman
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Norman 'likes' the glass on the scanner.

The Situation:

As you can probably tell, Norman is no ordinary cow. In fact, he's not a cow at all. He's more or less a stuffed animal, but we'll pretend he's not. I certainly don't. But anyway, he's led an interesting life, going to places as far away as Quebec, and as close as the nearby school. He lives in his own little section of my bedroom as far away from any spiders as possible, and sits there for most of the day. However, things change when I am not out or at school. For example, Norman eagerly participates in the ever popular 'Staring Contests' with me, should there be nothing to watch on t.v. at the time. Some people say that I'm a weirdo for owning a stuffed animal, and bringing it to school even when I'm almost 16. Most of the time, they're right. But I don't care. He's cool. I don't want to grow up. So there. End of story.
Norman goes through a lot when I'm not at home.

Why a Stuffed Cow? Why the name 'Norman?' Are you a Weirdo?

Well, there are a number of reasons why I have a (lot of) stuffed cow(s), and not a 'real' pet like a dog or cat. First of all, my parents don't like pets with fur. Which is why I've had practically 500 turtles (I'm being sarcastic... I haven't had 500 turtles, in case you're an animal rights activist), and they're all in the sewage treatment plant right now, along with the 1000 or so goldfish (I'm being sarcastic... I haven't had 1000 goldf... never mind. You get the picture.) Why a stuffed cow? Because they're better than stuffed dogs, or pigs, or anything else. In addition, I've noticed that Norman is a better stress reliever than 'real' pets. You don't have to feed it, walk it, or anything like that, so if you're really busy, you don't get even more stressed with all of those responsibilities (Of course, you can try to feed your stuffed animal food, but I don't think you'll get very far). The name 'Norman' comes from the movie "City Slickers" with Billy Crystal and those two other guys. The cow Billy Crystal helps give birth to, is named Norman. Hence Norman's name, Norman. His prior name included "Moo-Moo-Machine," but I didn't like that name. Yes, I think I'm a weirdo.

The Conflict:

Of course, then there's the other four people in my house, all of whom are older than me. There's the obvious ridicules, the teasing, and the laughing that just doesn't seem to stop. But oh well. I don't care what they think. I suppose they're trying to help me grow up, but I don't see the need quite yet. I am quite content sitting in front of the computer writing more and more webpages, with a stuffed cow watching me from the top of the monitor. Then there are the times when I am just not home to make sure nobody takes Norman, and throws him into the garbage can or something. For example, in the figure above this writing, is Norman in a pot on the stove. This was done only last May, while I was away at camp. My sisters thought it was funny. I didn't, until I ate all their chocolate. I know my sisters are doing this to harass me, so I turn up my built-in 'Annoyance Meter', so I can in turn, harass them when they're at home.

The Specs:

  • Height: 12"
  • Width: 12"
  • Thickness: 5"
  • Tail: 6"
  • Weight: Less than 1 pound
  • Colour: White/Black
  • Age: About 6 Years
  • Contents: Polyester (All new materials)
  • Surface Washable (or the gentle cycle)
  • Made in China