102 Ways To Tell if You're Chinese
102 Ways To Tell if You're Chinese
- You love to go to $1.75 movies.
- You love to go to $1.50 movies even more!
- You don't order sweet and sour pork, egg foo young, or chop suey at a
- You have a pager, even though you don't really need it.
- You have a really nice pager, with an alphanumeric display.
- You have a cellular phone, even though you don't really need it.
- You hate to spend more than $5 for lunch.
- You drive a Honda.
- You have custom rims on your Honda.
- You have a chinese knick-knack hanging on your rearview mirror.
- You like to eat chicken feet.
- You suck on fish heads and fish fins.
- You turn bright red after drinking 2 tablespoons of beer.
- You can get a buzz on Coors Cutter, O'douls, or Miller Sharps.
- You look like you are 18.
- You always look up at women, if you are male.
- You always look up at chinese men, if you are female.
- You live at your parents house, and you are not claimed as a
dependent by them.
- You only buy used cars.
- You have more than 5 remote controls in your TV room.
- You sing Karaoke.
- You have a custom stereo in your Honda with the custom rims.
- Your entire house is covered with tile.
- You have those plastic walkways covering your hallway and other heavy
foot traffic areas.
- You own a gun if you are male.
- You have plastic or some other kind of cover on your furniture.
- You leave the plastic on your lampshade for 10 years or more.
- You eat family dinners with the TV on.
- You love watching Connie Chung.
- You have an incredible amount of clutter in your house.
- You can't bear to throw away things.
- You are an engineer.
- Your dad washes his hair 4 times a year.
- You hate getting B's.
- Your house smells like preserved fish.
- Your house smells like chinese medicine.
- You have about 12-20 uncles and aunts.
- You've never kissed your mom or dad.
- You've never hugged your mom or dad.
- Your unassisted vision is worse than 20/500.
- You wear contacts, to avoid wearing your "coke bottle glasses".
- You've worn glasses since you were in fifth grade.
- You had a bowl cut before.
- You go to yard sales often.
- If you lose a dollar, you dwell upon it for more then 5 mintues.
- Your parents own a restaurant or grocery store.
- You love to "buck" the system.
- If you are overcharged you scream bloody murder, but if you are
undercharged, you go your merry way.
- Your hair sticks up when you wake up.
- You get a rush from getting a good deal.
- You'll make ridiculous offers when bargaining. ("I'll give you $5 for
- You'll haggle over something that is not negotiable.
- You love to use coupons.
- You drive around looking for the cheapest gas.
- You add twice the recommended amount of water when making orange juice
- You'll squeeze a toothpaste tube down to paper thin.
- You take showers at night.
- You'll drive around for hours looking for the best parking space.
- You'll learn about sex from someone other then your parents.
- You'll be convinced your parents had sex as many times as required to
produce you and your siblings.
- You've never seen your parents kiss.
- You've never seen your parents hug.
- Your grandmother lives with you and your family.
- Your Honda has been "lowered".
- You never buy stuff from the concession stands at the movies.
- You tip 15% or less.
- You never order dessert at restaurants.
- You always have water only when dining out.
- You refuse to use the valet.
- You try not to use the bellhop, for fear of tipping.
- You avoid the non-free snacks in hotel rooms.
- You don't mind squeezing 20 people into one motel room.
- You want your dollar back from the friend who borrowed it right away.
- You get the runs when you drink lots of milk.
- Most girls have more body hair than you if you are male.
- You have a great love for cameras.
- Sanrio means a lot to you if you are female.
- Your fridge stinks.
- Your parents don't want you to move out when you turn 18.
- Your parents want to live with you when they are old.
- You tap the table when someone pours tea for you.
- You point to your nose when referring to yourself.
- You say "Aiya!" and "Wah!" frequently.
- You lie about your kids' ages when going to a movie or amusement park.
- You lie about your age to get a senior citizen's discount.
- You don't want to wear your seatbelt because it is uncomfortable.
- You love Las Vegas, slot machines, and blackjack.
- You love to play Mahjong.
- You want to marry chinese.
- You have to read all your parents' mail written in english.
- You have to make phone calls for your parents to english speakers.
- Your parents ask you if you are home when you come home. ("Faan nei
- You get a knuckle in your skull if you are being punished by your
- You are constantly being set up with uninteresting people by your
- You always hear about how great so-and-so's son or daughter is.
- Your Honda has the "boom".
- Your parents wish you would give 30% of your income to them.
- Your childhood is filled with painful memories of the long feather
duster ("Guy Mo So")
- You can use the words "chink" and "chinaman" with impunity.
- Your clothes smell like fried foods.
- You talk at the top of your voice at all occasions.
- You hate eating cheese.
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